Oh, what a day…

Had a rather tiring day today… Strings of happenings…

Started off alright, had porridge breakfast filled with veges. It was filling… I was feeling alright till I hit the road for work in the morning, the sun light was getting into my eyes… I started to feel sleepy… Then when I got to work, all my work for the day’s been done… So I sat around for a couple of hours… Had lunch in between, planned to fish for awhile before I head home… But it started to rain… I cant go fishing and I started to feel heavy…

Then I went to see a friend’s stall at Joo Koon selling Yong Tau Foo… Got there they were closed already. It was alright as I wasnt really up to eating. Then she invited me for some bites. So I ate. I felt heavier… You know how it feels when you eat too much… Then I went to buy stuffs for lunar 15th… Bought stuffs from Boon Lay instead of Jurong today coz I was at Boon Lay. Stuffs were much more expensive there. So I decided to head back to Jurong to get fruits for prayers… But carpark was jammed pack, so I thought I’ll head home first. Got home, played games for awhile and felt sleepy, power nap for 10mins. Woken up by a call to get some work done. I was all groggy… Then I saw the time was getting late, I better run to get fruits… Had a quick shower and all, I started to feel hungry, thought Ill eat before I get fruits… My bedroom door went slammed… And my keys were all in there… I only got my wallet and spare main door key… I dont have spares for my master room in the hall… Aarrgghh… Pestered the door with so many types of lubricants, grease, etc… Cant open it, fiddled for almost 30mins… It was almost 11.30pm… I smsed my mom. She replied almost 11.45 saying she got some keys with her, not sure if they will work… So I took a walk from my house to her house, almost 20mins walk… Barely 5mins collection, I was on the way back again. My feet were knackered… So tired. It was like a speedy walk… Got fruits along the way, I felt sleepy and tired again… Went home got all my keys in the pocket and a $10 bill, prepared all the prayer items… Went to get prayers done. Went to move my car to the multi storey and was walking home sweet home, stopped by 7-11 for a can of beer… Hey, hey, I dropped my $10 bill. I cant pay for beer…  7-11 lady treated me to a can… Will be paying her back 2 days later… Reached my door and realised my house key was in the car… I walked back again… And back home again…

I walked from 1140pm to 2am today…

I miss you and you…

I miss you and you…

Not sure why… But I do… Cant keep away the thoughts of you and you, it keeps coming, it just keeps coming…
Perhaps Ive done wrong and am self blaming… Perhaps its not meant to be and I am hoping…

Humans and our endless pursuits of things… Keeps us sleepless at times… Keeps us irritated at times…

One thing to bear closely in mind… Hurt nobody… And hope nobody hurts us…

Goodnite world…

Keeping the faith up…

Down to my last dollars and stll actively working… Hope someday my blog will once again be filled with happy food pix and fishing expeditions… Rather than complaints… Deaths… Etc, etc…

Somebody save me please…

Hmm, Ive been through strings and strings of unpleasantries… Im tired… Drowning… Nobody around. Im alone. What should I do… … … … … Im broke and bankrupt and sick… What should I do… No insurance, no nothing… What should I do… A pair of hands already worked out 18 hours a day… Im tired, stressed, lack of sleep, etc, etc… When can I rest… What should I do? The road ahead is so long and everything is so blur… If things will continue at such bleak rate, I think I like to join my yoyo in netherlands… I am tired… So so tired that I cant even put it out in words…Every breath is fought for… But end of the day, little or no returns… I am tired… Leave and let live… To the survivors please succeed. I am fast losing my energy. I am so so tired. I cant remember the last time I slept properly… Life shouldnt be like this… Should it?

Staying positive requires effort and energy… But if all keeps slamming at you all the time without breathers, how much more can one take… I am tired… I want to rest… … I am in pain… … Yet no time to heal… … … To heal needs money, should I wait… … …? Who can understand… … … Talking so much does it help? Or we become misunderstood? Tired… My house has a kwan yin… … … I lit it up everyday for light… … … Light there is in the house… Light where is in my life??? There is no joke and Ill unashamedly declare that work done deserves money… But many of my works done receives no money since last sept… … … Till date no replies and no calls… I am so tired… Chase till tired… Now dont bother to chase anymore…

I sometimes accept this fate and torture as I feel that I need to pay for my forefathers sins… But sometimes, paying can be a little too overwhelming… When can it be paid off? If I need to live my life paying off all the sins forefathers did, I rather die now… This very breath… Coz it so fucking tiring… Been paying and paying till I cant do my own things and everything not smooth… How much more? I mean a little is fine but this much is taking a toll… Ive aged… I look old… Haggard… Struggling… No one to talk to… What more and what is next I always ask myself? I dont mean to be negative… But… Judging from past years, its hard not to ask. In chinese, we say, you wan mei wan… Now I am asking… Have I paid off? Can I proceed to progress in my life now? Why do I Keep paying and paying non stop? I am tired… What the fuck… Take me… I dont want to live another day in such pain and misery. Its fucking sick and sadistic and awful and wicked… Its enough… Sorry if I offend. But please stop all… Its time I progress with my life and living a life I should deserve… Not this way… Its enough…

Im so small…

Somtimes I feel that problems are so many… Comparing my existence to this world, I am so tiny… I am so small… How come the problems I have overwhelmed my brain, my entire being… It suffocates me and I cant breathe… I cant stop to rest, things keep coming… And these problems are not simple tasks at work or day to day issues… They require decision making… Ive failed in my life and am trying to rebuild… Why cant I have a chance to breathe ? Why are all the odds being thrown at me till I am dead tired and exhuasted… Why? Am I so bad that I deserved to be punished day after day, night after night with these issues???

Cant I just rest my mind for awhile, mentally, emotionally… Cant I even have a chance to rest for a little while to recharge before moving on??? What is the problem with this karma thingy? I am up to my neck!!!! I cant breathe????!!!!!!!!! GOD THE HIGHER ONE!!!! CAN YOU PLACE SOME MERCY ON ME PLEASE? I NEED TO REST IF I HAVE TO CONTINUE WALKING THIS RUT LIFE!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK PLS… NOT A LONG BREAK, BUT AT LEAST GIVE ME A CHANCE TO REST!!!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!! THINGS KEEP COMING AND I HAVE NO PLACE TO TURN TO… GIVE ME A CHANCE TO RECUP BEFORE FIGHTING… EVEN WARRIORS NEED TO REST AND RECHARGE… PLSSSSSSSSSS… IS ANYONE HEARING ME AT ALL??

Yoyo…

My beloved Yoyo passed away this morning, Apr 23 2010…

Pressurising moments for us all at the vet clinic when we see her struggle through her last hours. She was admitted Apr 18 to Joyous Clinic…

I arrived with my aunt at the clinic at 8.30pm. Yoyo was gasping for air. I made arrangements for her to be sent to Mt Pleasant for consultation and MRI yesterday afternoon. According to the nurse there, Yoyo had couple of seizures through the day… My heart felt a horrible pang… She is suffering through the whole thing alone, with no love and comfort, other than professional care. We are not allowed to carry her for fear of agitating her… She has been taken off drip as her lungs had already accumulated quite a large amount of fluid… My only frustration is why werent we informed of her condition at all until we arrive to visit at night? And if we dont ask, we will not be updated at all… I think its too late to be angry about it now, she’s gone…

Yoyo, my best friend, my companion. I have failed her. Even in her final hour, she has been considerate till the end. She’s always giving in to Nugget, who is younger than her. Before she die, she has been considerate towards me… I feel horrible. When I finally let go and decided to let her go on euthanasia, she tried to come to me a few times… The nurse brought the form and I signed it. I cried uncontrollably… Then I thought to myself, I should go tidy up and send her off in a nice and neat way. We all decided to witness the event. So I got my sis-in-law to hold her and I went to brush up… When I got back to the clinic, the vet rushed to the door, she said, Yoyo gone on her own… We didnt inject her.

They wrapped Yoyo up for me to hold… Her body still warm. Her eyes has lost all its life. I cried and cried. My heart felt pain and release. Tears keep dropping. I just hold her. Shes gone… My best friend has gone…

Lost in the Lalang …

Hmm, often wonder why life is like a maze… You can either love it so much or cant wait to get rid of it. It can be both interesting and tiring at the same time…

Lost in the lalang… I seem to have been lost in the lalang for the longest time now! TMD, forgot to tie the rope to a nearby pole or something permanent to guide me out of it should I get lost…

Now, I am lost… Been walking and walking and cant seem to get out of the rut…

2 choices :
1. Slowly get rid of all the lalang bit by bit…  or
2. Continue walking…

Both ways, life needs to go on. Just which is less tiring? :p

Tired again…

Hmmm, did my accounts and preparing to submit iras before april…

Sibeh pek-chek… How come so much out there not claimed back… Wah liew…

Is it time to be battered back to original condition? Working for others and earning a meagre salary, starting all over again from scratch…? OMG… Sibeh pek chek… Why? Why? Why?

Headache…

I am so fed up I tore my cert papers up and dump into the dustbin… … TMD… … What the fuck… … … Those can be used as toilet papers… Keep for wat… … …

I think I bu ping heng le…

Change of Mind – Cooking Porridge…

Hmmm, forget the kung po chicky… Think Im cooking porridge later… Stuffed cleaning the kitchen each time I fry or stir fry anything… Too tiring… :p

Its gonna  be pi dan zhou later this afternoon and a good pot to last till dinner… Hehehe… Anyway I dont eat much, so its gonna be a miserable amount (small eater x 3portions ba) but worth it if it will taste good end of the day! :p

When porridge is cooked,
Gonna add these, already prepared and chilled; Ready to cook:
Lean pork marinated w/ sesame oil and 1/2 teaspoon light soya sauce
Minced pork w/ spring onions, prawn meat, spring onions, egg, salt + pepper

Minced pork gonna served as meatballs, lean pork to be served as it is.

End result:
Salted egg, normal egg, pi dan, porridge
w/
sliced lean marinated pork + marninated meatballs
sliced fish cakes
ginger slices
sesame oil
light soya sauce

I hope it will turn out nice… Congee style… :p Lets close our fingies and hope for a great taste… :p

Cheerios folks!
Ta!

So many complaints…

Feb has come to an end now. Was briefly browsing thru Feb’s blogs and realised everytime I blog, I complained… Eeewwwww… So sickening… No good… Ive been complaining for the whole month of Feb… No food pix, no cheery stuffs, nothing but complaints… Eeeewwww, eeewwww, eeewwwww…

Why is it possible to have so many complaints…  Verbal diarrhoea… Yucks…

I still have some nags but I guess Im gonna keep it till April… Nags overloaded for now. Ha! :p

Its really been a month odd of all work and no play and me – becoming plain jane… Eewwww…

Anyway, though I dont have pics but I dished these for lunch this afternoon…
Stir fry egg tofu with garlic, carrot and prawn slices – YUMMY but tedious
Stir fry xiao bai cai with garlic – bit salty but nice with wok smell

Whats for lunch tomorrow?? Hehehe…
Lau sam cham bak – Tasted; yummy! Though, be great if its a little more salty
Bittergourd soup
Cabbage slices w/ dried shrimps + carrot slices (gonna fry it when I about to eat)

Hehehe… Menu for day after?? :p Got it! 🙂
Kung po chicky
Stir fry bittergourd w/ egg and prawn slices

Okay, time for bed now. My antivirus scan has completed… Ciaoz!